Thursday, November 18, 2004

Rush Hour

DB dinner in about an hour and a half from now, followed by GS dinner. Immortal names in the world of money and power. I do not know if this is what I want to do, definitely my mouth is not watering at the prospect of 5 star dinners, neither is the idea of a compulsion to 'please' them quite entertaining. It feels kinda awkward to be running behind something which at the end of the day will ruin my plans to settle down and lead a quite life for sure, yet the ego, the self says this is what matters here. "What matters here" has always been the key. There shall be a day when I will get over it.......get over the desire to be praised, to be admired, to be envied, to be hated.....will get over it. for the time being...Lets fight it out Dude.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Deepawali and Me

14 baras ke vanvas ke uprant jab Shri Ram Ayodhya pahunche tab Ayodhya Nagari ne unka swagat depon ki avliyon se kiya. Us prakash ne har burai har tamsik bhawan ke andhere ko mano samapt kar diya.
You've been everywhere, you've met them all, you've over 100 numbers stored in your cell, and today when all that a stranger craves for is a returning smile from the unknown crowd - you sit alone in the eerie tranquil of your room, punctuated by the rain drops lashing heavily on the balcony door. A concious choice? May be not, may be its the equilibrium which needs to set in at some point of time. You have been a Ravan in more ways than one, you've been a Ram too(some would say), probably its time to celebrate a Deepawali well within you, to cleanse what has been gnawing at your conciuos slowly but steadily. Do you need the touch of her hand or the feel of his hug for that? Do you need to see those stary eyes staring deep into you clueless and frightened, or the stretch of the hand which has been asking you since time immemorial - "Till when Kanu, till when?" Yes you need them, as someone quite unknowingly touched the finest of your secrets not long ago at CT, the subconcious knocked again and said - You Need Them. Its not being weak, its not being shallow, its about being human.
It was you who has had those lofty ideas all this while, you can't let a bunch of 'achievers' walk over them, you can't let red bricks dictate the path of your life. Agreed its Deja Vu, so what, this is not the first of its kind. Relax and recline for the earth smells like heaven and droplets feel like nectar, its your Deepawali..........love it.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

So whats an I Bank? A practical mint? A whorehouse? The ultimate abuse? With almost 200 supposedly brightest brains of the country lining up and spending sleepless nights to grab those elusive offers, an I bank should be much more than this :-) Why is it then that I can't bring myself to break free from the shackles of traditional thinking and give in to the idea of working weekends, 18*7 , earning more than my grandson may spend, buying an island and burning off by the time she gets 28? There should be someone to help me out of this, get me to my true calling and gently leave me there, someone to sit before me wrapped in a brownish shawl in the middle of a smoky, cold evening and telling me - Mr. Misra!! This, is what you are supposed to do and not run behind money, there is nothing feminine about it. That someone will probably one day find some time and stroke the uneasiness out of my mind. There are so many dichotomies existing simultaneously that its almost impossible to comprehend my needs and requirements - brute force may work. What wonder can a hug do? Ask me.....please ask me. It brings you out of the reverie called life and assures you that there is much more to your existance than what you can possibly think. Jo ek sookhe darakht mein bhi jaan daal de vaisa hai voh lagav, voh hansi, voh haath pakadkar bagal mein nikalte logon se door kheench lena, woh samundar mein baithate sooraj ko dekhte huye nariyal pani peena - bina kuch bhi bole, bina kisi shabd ke, bina kisi aahat ke.....