Truth

I have a Bua, and she makes amazing idlis !

Mumbai @ Apollo Bunder

Nafrat ki aag mei jal raha hai Taj ka kinara
Aansoo baha raha hai Hindostan hamara
Toot rahi aas hai, thand padi saans hai
Nariman ke saamne, shamshan ka nazara
Aansoo baha rah hai Hindostan hamara

Chalees ghanton se soch raha neta hai
Pakistan, SIMI ya mujahiddeen par phenk doon
Ya Hindu algaav ka ise naya parivesh doon
Hilton ki manzilon se aati aag badi zor hai
Is aag ki garmi mein kya kya na senk loon

Is jung ke beej hum har paanch saal bote hain
Phir bhi goli khane par zar zar rote hain
Ghaav bada gehra hai, malham ka na thikana
Veeron ki aahuti mei hothon ka thartharana
Ruk ruk kar.....Aansoo baha raha hai hindostan hamara

The Opium Peddler

Someone famously paraphrased - Cricket is the opium of Indian masses. Indeed it has been, at least in the myriad cricketing images I carry within a heart which houses more than a suffering bias towards hockey, the national sport. And it is to this opium that rich oblations have been paid by various legends of the sport in their own great and humble fashions. Some like Manjarekar and Aamre performed with the finesse of an artist and perished before one could say - this one has a promising career. While others like Abey Kuruvilla, Balaji, Chetan Chauhan et al gave that glimpse of hope Indian cricket has been in eternal wait for, but ran out of steam or were sidelined before the masses could make them part of the regular opium.

In those times when all was well with our team, after having won the world series in Australia post the world cup success, we were in an all too benevolent mood to help others with their records against us; that a strange and unsettling trend began to delve in every tricoloured cricketing kit. Our record which had been on an ascendant as tourists began to fade with rapidity unknown since days of PT Usha and the habit to choke under pressure was taken up with a regularity seen only in the then automatic HMT watches. It is in these trying times that the most unfortunate sportsman of the century made his debut and went on to become the pillar around which the coming Indian teams started playing ring-a-ring-a-roses. Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar had not only to put up with opposition from other ranks but also from within is own team, what with half the batsmen always hell bent upon committing suicide or something close to that in every alternate match, oblivious of the venue. Volumes can be written and a Shakespearean tragedy documented on the miserable state of Ms Tendulkar and Sons, what made the situation worse was the fact that the poor lad was blamed for Indian debacles and he was expected to do everything right not only in his game but apparently for everyone else as well. The century knocks against Australia in Sharjah stand testimony to the brilliance and endurance of the little master. And the team's collapse on the freshly laid Eden Garden pitch in the 1996 Semi Final against Sri Lanka is a complete example of the frequent Russian Roulette played around Tendulkar.

But all that was to change with the entry of a haughty, arrogant, undisciplined, egotistic and lethargic bloke who toured England due to political reasons. Saurav Chandidas Ganguly announced his arrival with a flair that was to become his keep for the rest of his illustrious and entertaining career. A very unlucky Rahul Dravid, from under whose nose Dada stole limelight, stood and watched the master of offside unleash an incomparable century on debut at Lords. He went on to do greater things than that, but the idea was simple - I am here to outperform, the bloody opponents and if need be the bloody team ! Seldom does any sportsman ride a sinusoidal love-hate wave as Saurav did till today for various reasons including cricket. In an uncharacteristically humble fashion he claims - We all decided to do something about the non performance overseas. And he took a lot many such decisions, at times in collusion with his illustrious team mates and at others in confines of the unique cricketing brain. Be it, promoting youngsters in the team or bowling himself in Sahara Cup against Pakistan, be it making Steve Cool Waugh wait for 5 minutes before every toss or arriving 5 minutes early in jumpers on being reprimanded - Saurav did it the way he wanted to. The life and times of Saurav Ganguly deserve a great canvass and the best artist, yet I write because I have a reason -

Never before has anyone in public life been so aggressive and fought so hard for a cause so dear, never before did someone enthuse team spirit of such degree which could ignite an entire nation, never before did I see our arch rivals being taken to cleaners with a professionalism, teams of the yore were incapable of, never did I feel tremors of a nationwide debate on an individual's inclusion/exclusion from a sports team!, never did one see firangs being paid in their own currency in their own land in a fashion our timid upbringings disprove of, never did I see a man play his sport and politics with such ease that it became difficult to ascertain what was his primary vocation, and never before did the departure of someone on TV, who but plays a sport and captained a silly team of a nonsensical sport moisten my eyes.

Men may come and men may go, they may bring glory to this country and may rise above odds to fight another day, but so far Mr. Ganguly you deserve a place no other public figure in recent times can hope of getting close to.......What the heck, the opium you peddled had an intoxication like none other

What Should One Write

From the silken strokeplay of Laxman, to a criminal peeing in his pants at the sight of a police inspector in 'Wednesday'; from travails of a not so young man in ultimately arranging a meeting between his folks and the soon to be arranged wife at India Gate, to the desperate claims of an old buddy at having found the real Sarah Palin sex tape on net; from the insider story of Lehman's collapse to a visibly upset uncle claiming that the inflation has hit 400% and not 12% as those in delhi would have us believe (because the prices of aaloo and pyaz were up 400% year on year) ; from a twenty something girl stating and defending the obvious advantages of consanguinity, to a hilarious note on usage of amniocentesis in raising an army of Tendulkars/Bindras/Kaushik Dashs et al; from a holiday in an old palace of a Gharwali king to hearing someone deliver to a driver - "Why should I pay you Rs 15 as basic charge, last year it was only 10, I will pay you 12, lena hai to lo"; from the launch of a puritan book weighing 3 kg to a plethora of movies and plays I missed; from the similarities between Narmada Man and Homo erectus pekinesis to the attempts at figuring what on earth did Langhnaj mean in 10 minutes flat with sarkay lo khatia blaring in the background; from the sound of my t-shirts being torn open at other end of the phone to a verbal duel in silence of the nights at what should be the ideal size of pani puris; from myriad attempts at blogging, to the eventual self harrasment and listing out of topics I had considered writing about - self abuse has today found a new low !

झुरमुट के उस ओर

पेड़ों के झुरमुट के पीछे कई नई रौशनियाँ दिखीं, बहुत घना हुआ करता था, अब हम माडर्न हो रहे हैं। शहर के कोने में किसी दुर्लभ जीव कि तरह छुपा यह सुहावना अँधेरा कुछ दिनों का मेहमान लगता है। कोई अगर इन उमरदराज़ रौशनियों को बंद कर दे तो मै अंधेरे के कुछ घूँट पी लूँ। जब मंद बयार बहती है और शहर शांत हो जाता है तब पत्तों की सरसराहट का संगीत मुझे दुकेलेपन का एहसास दिलाता है।

शायद कोई नई इमारत बन रही है, जो कुछ समय बाद पेड़ों के पीछे से अपना सर उठाएगी और आस पास की हरियाली को देख कह उठेगी कि "वाह! कितना हरा है शहर का यह कोना।" मुझे इस बात का गम नही कि कुछ और लोग यहाँ आ जायेंगे, कि कुछ और गाड़ियां इन कम इस्तेमाल होने वाली सड़कों पर दौड़ेंगी या देर रात गए किसी कि गाड़ी के रिवर्स होने का ऐलान सुनाई देगा, मुझे इस बात की भी फ़िक्र नही कि जिस अंधेरे में देखने का मै आदी हूँ उस अंधेरे में कुछ बत्तियां नज़र आयेंगी या हवा के एक रुख को यह इमारत रोक लेगी। मुझे गम इस बात का है कि जब वहां कि किसी बालकनी में बैठा कोई पेड़ों के झुरमुट के उस और से मेरी तरफ़ देखेगा तो यही कहेगा कि झुरमुट अगर थोड़ा और घना होता तो कैसा होता। और जब किसी नई इमारत कि नींव पड़ेगी तो वह एक कलम लिए कागज़ रंग रहा होगा इस गम में कि मेरा झुरमुट और छितरा गया।

मुझे इंतज़ार है अपने गम में शरीक होने वालों का।

कागज़ कलम वालों का, हरियाली खोने वालों का॥

High Bread

A: Hmm....... So whats the story, where have you been?

B: Kahin nahi, here only I was, can you pass that slice of bread

A: Can you answer my question and not stare at your tea and bread like a moron

B: Ya.... question, your question, what about it.....I was around, as always

B: Can you pass some more bread, does the pot have any more tea ?

A: Dude, I am asking you....... where were you ?

A: Cut that assinine all knowing smirk, wtf do you think you are !

B: Some more bread please.................................................please !!

A: You come from middle of nowhere, act your usual self and expect me to sit and watch

B: Do I need a shave, would it hurt if I were to get close to her

B: BTW, does the stuble suit me ? I think it does, at least when it is dark

B: Someone needs to write about my stuble before its gone, oh god !

A: Ok, one last time - WHERE WERE YOU !

B: ......hh....calm down; there is lots more tea to go

A: I don't care my third foot for the tea and these bread crumbs hanging around your face, are you going to tell me or not !

B: You are scary, ever considered banking ?

B: Pass on some bread please

A: Tell me, I promise to be nice to you

B: The music is too loud, can someone lower the volume, change the language and retain the lyrics

A: Ok, allright! Here .... I have turned it off

B: Good, now....... pass some bread

A: No I can't, this is the last piece

B: When did you develop a liking for bread, pass it on

A: No I wont, you will leave once its over

B: To leave once its over is always the idea kid....... learn

B: Do ayurvedic docs take their own medicines

A: Ok, what should I do

B: Appreciate my stuble, tell me if you want me to get you something which I can't

B: Or....try using english next time

A: Do you have to go ?

B: Yes....there is no more bread

A: That was the biggest loaf so far........when do I see you next

B: Next.....when you have questions to ask and I need tea and bread

B: Tra la la....

Kuch Nahi...Aise Hi...Aaj Mai Maun Hoon

Kahan kahan bhatak rahe hain shoonya chitt raaste

Tujhi ko dhoondh dhoondh ke huye hain past raaste

Too aaj bhi yaqeen hai, too aaj bhi chupa hua

Too aaj bhi dimag mei, hriday mei hai basa hua

Prshansaneeya hai mera tujhe yun dhoondhna guru

Tu woh kapaat hai prabhu jo khul ke na khula hua

Aseem tap kiye huye aadambari bhi dhoondhte

Achoot kehlate huye woh 'dalit' bhi hain poojte

Hai majal ki tere darshan mile kahin kabhi

Aaine ke saamne mai sadaiv tha khada hua

Ghee, doodh, naivedya, naye kahan se dhoondh laaun mai

Tere banaye phool hi tujh par chadhaun mai ?

Yeh khel hai, prem hai, ya rachnatmak lekh hai

Bahut kahaniyan suni, ab kaun sa yeh vesh hai

Prachand agni ki tarah kampit swar mein bol doon

Ya raag malhar mein chaashni sa ghol doon

Ek hi sawal hai, ek hi jaddojahet

Tu kaun hai, tera naam kya, tu kyon hai yun basa hua

Aas...

With due apologies to BSJ and Faiz

Faiz se keh do kahin door ja marein
Itni jageh nahi hai dil-e-sharmsar mein
Kalam chala kar khushnaseeb zamindoz hain
Hum zakhm jhelte hain ulfat ke intezar mein

Khushnaseeb

Jaante ho..... kitne khushnaseeb ho tum
Allah ne tumhe sochne ke kabil hi na samjha